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Bart Simpson
Age: 10
Personality: Devious, underachieving, school-hating, clever.
Idol: Krusty the Clown.
Past loves: Jessica Lovejoy, Laura Powers.
Abilities: Possesses a huge repertoire of practical jokes and methods of revenge, with antics ranging from vandalism to international fraud. Prank calls to Moe’s Tavern are a specialty.
Discoveries: A comet that nearly destroyed Springfield, Blinky the three-eyed fish.
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Homer Simpson
Age: 36
Occupation: Worker Drone/safety inspector, Sector 7G, Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. (Holds plant record for most years worked at an entry-level position.)
Awards: The C. Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field Of Excellence (After Burns found out Homer was sterile due to radiation exposure), Employee Of The Month at the Power Plant (after saving the plant from meltdown), Belching Contest winner, Grammy Award for “Outstanding Soul, Spoken Word, or Barbershop Album of the Year” for his work with the Be Sharps. High school reunion trophies for most weight gained, most hair lost, most improved odour, and person who travelled the least distance.
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Marge Simpson
Age: 34
Extracurricular: Lead role in community musical production of “Oh! Streetcar”. Considered an affair with bowling teacher, Jacques. Came up with the idea for Springfield to host a film festival. Organized a town-wide boycott of “Itchy and Scratchy” to eliminate cartoon violence on TV. Developed gambling addiction. Briefly stopped loved son Bart after he shoplifted. Went on lam with criminal neighbour, Ruth Powers. Enjoyed pampering herself after a nervous breakdown at Rancho Relaxo. Conquered a fear of flying after making peace with the fact that her father was a flight attendant. Commissioned by Mr. Burns to paint his portrait. Once encouraged Lisa to smile despite the fact that she was depressed.
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Lisa Simpson
Age: 8
Extracurricular: Mentored by late jazzman Bleeding Gums Murphy. Busted her father for an illegal cable hook-up. Won regional Reading Digest contest, but lost the national competition in Washington D.C. after losing faith in government. Served brief term as Little Miss Springfield until she became disillusioned by pageant sponsorship by Laramie Cigarettes. Desired by Ralph Wiggum. Disgusted by the talking Malibu Stacey doll’s lack of integrity, coinvented poor-selling Lisa Lionheart doll. All-star goalie in pee-wee hockey. Discovered Jebediah Springfield was a pirate. Assisted Mr. Burns in recovering his lost fortune. Passed the second grade as the first female cadet at Rommelwood Military Academy. Refused to participate in “The Simpson Family Smile-Time Variety Hour”.
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Maggie Simpson
Age: 1
Role: Pacifier sucking youngest Simpson child.
Only true enemy: Gerald, the baby with one-eyebrow
Extracurricular: Untied Bart and Lisa after they were bound by notorious Babysitter Bandit. knows what a credenza is. Can spell out “E-MC2” with her toy blocks and scribble “MAGGIE SIMPSON” on her Etch-A-Sketch. Occasionally drinks from the dog dish. Bonked Homer on the head with a mallet and attacked him with a pencil, imitation cartoon violence. Possibly saved her father’s life by catching a beer bottle flying at his head. Led a baby rebellion at the Ayn Rand School for Tots. Shot Charles Montgomery Burns. |
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